Parenting too much?
My reflection of this article of The Atlantic, How to Land your Kid in Therapy
I have to admit that Mark Donovan and I have fallen into some of these same traps, but as a young mother in the late 1990s, reading all that I could about parenting, I do remember taking in some thought provoking articles about the traps of this self-esteem psycho babble style of parenting. It did make a lot of sense to me, because I personally had learned so much more of who I am today through my own struggles, but I still found it hard to swim upstream of the suburban trophy-kid style parenting. So, yes, we did the fantabulous birthday parties, the travel teams, the "everyone wins" style of thinking. But, I am proud that we, when Joey Donovan was not chosen to be part of the "A' team in basketball in 7th grade, did not demand that the coach change this, but we said to Joey, "If you want this, show the coach he made the wrong decision." In other words, play and work hard in practice. Give it all you got and show him your talents. He obviously did and he was given more opportunities to play "up". #whew #riskWelltaken
No doubt it so very hard to see your child wallow in the end of the pit, in isolation, but from one who has learned more to see in the dark than in the light, I know a parent's job is to teach them how to cope with that suffering, how to use it as building blocks to find their own their perseverance, and how not to give up on who they want to become even if it changes along the way. On occasion, I have said to them, "No one is better than you, but you are never better than anyone else". "That doesn't make sense. mom", they say. "Know your humility. What is given can always be taken away, in a moments notice; but if you know who you are, your gifts, you can always keep you head above the water until the flood resides" They just sigh and walk away. "Another crazy lament from mom", I am sure they are thinking. But, no worries, because as my grand friend Kate Williams Alcott once said to me, "You rant and rave, stand on your parenting soap-box, exasperated that they are not taking in what you are saying, until, one day, they say something so profound, so incredibly perfect, it is as if they go back into the filing cabinet of all your words and teachings once said, and just recite your thoughts." You just stand in awe; gawking at them. "What?", they might say looking at you like you have two heads. You just sigh and walk away.#tablesTurned
As I write this, I look at my cell phone to see if Joey texted me. I think about Tommy upstairs sleeping in his room, still with us, and wonder what he will do today without me. They are never out of my thoughts, never am I able to shut the switch off, but I do know that Mark and I need to let this curtain close as we both feel the final act of Stage One of primary parenting winding down. Stage 2 will, no doubt, bring its own suffering and joys as we watch them spin away from us in college, with job opportunities, and maybe marriages and grandchildren #gulp; and Stage 3 will, hopefully, allow them to return the love back to us as we age out of our lifetimes. Until then, I will praise their endurance to embrace the difficulties and remind them to be humble of their gifts. #lifeMovesOn #parenting #whatIsNext
